She was so tired. And so fed up with this shit. Why on earth did she ever believed that this would be a good idea? She felt stupid, naive, her eyes swollen from the tears, her body heavy from the bad night of sleep. Somehow she had managed to find a corner in this circle, this meeting of others like her but not like her. If she could only melt into the pillar and disappear until this whole thing would
be over.
She was sitting in a meeting of Dom's. She and the others in this meeting were in a 24hour experiment on Power and Surrender and she, as a Dom, was supposed to take the lead over her Sub, the one who, now sitting in a different room, in a different meeting, with the other subs, was supposed to surrender to her dominance for this 24hour. Other Dom's seem to have less problems, she just heard one boasting on how wonderful things were going with his Sub, and another chipped in that they felt very powerful and confident in taking the lead and another shared that they struggled with keeping their Sub busy. They were all so busy with how this was serving their, and their Sub's expansion and liberation. She couldn't relate to any of it, it didn't feel good, it didn't feel right, she felt restricted and blocked. Why, why would she ever want to do any of that to anyone, how is this serving anything?
Her Sub, in real life, is her partner, her Beloved. For this retreat they had come up with the idea that it would be beneficial for them if he would go into surrender, because he has a hard time with that, and she would go into Dominance, because she finds thats challenging. When she grew up, her father was a sweet and loving figure but he could get so so angry, she had feared that as a child and now as a grown up, she is starting to see how this makes it hard for her to step into her power, into dominance, because daddy might get angry. And even though this is ofcourse not really the case, her inner parts, her inner children still carry that fear, and will act to prevent that from happening, they simply cannot allow it.
She sighs, what a mess had she landed herself in. She had woken up with the thought that she couldn't wait for this to be over. Her beloved, who was supposed to go into surrender, so that for once he could drop his guard and defenses, was struggling too. Surrender equals weakness, in his conditioning, and weakness was not welcome in the family where he grew up in, or so his inner child believes. So if she wavered in her dominance, he reacts, with crankiness, suppressed anger. Or he smiles, that fucking smile, to let nothing touch him when it threatens to come too close.
His smile is his great impenetrable shield. And so she waivers, she buckles under the impact of the fear that she might not do it right, and that she will be met with anger. And so she does it, in his eyes, wrong, and is met with anger. And on and on and on it goes. She simply doesn't see how they will manage this together, the systems seem too strong. After the meeting they were supposed to go into an exercise called "For the Dom's Pleasure'.
A space for the Dom's to play with their power and explore with their Subs this role of Dominance. She dreaded it. It would be one big disaster again. She was right. Fresh into the exercise she and her beloved ran into the exact same dynamic again, blocking them from moving anywhere but in an endless discussion on repeat on how they were both not doing what they should be doing and how that prevented to other from doing what they should be doing. Stalemate.
An assistent came to their aid and helped them to break down the predicament into seizable chunks. They made a few suggestions on where an opening might be found, reassured them and brought them back into connection. Now it was up to them again. The plan seemed simple enough. He would put on a dogmask that was available in the temple, a sort of blueish neoprene helmet with a snout and flappy ears. And he would wear a leash on his collar. She choose to have a short riding crop, as a symbol of her dominance, an object of her
power. And they would play....puppy training.
They went into it, a bit awkward but determined. He sat up, rolled over, played dead. She lead him by the leash through the space. It worked, the ice melted, he opened his heart to her in radiant surrender, she opened her heart to him in radiant dominance. When she went to get something from the altar, he just laid there waiting, eyes closed, relaxed. Such a good boy!
She felt the power, and the responsibility, but she was now fearless, now that her vision was clear. The mask helped him to allow himself to drop his guard, it made his world small and helped him focus only on her. It helped her to stay in power to train this puppy, not distracted by the face of her beloved. And they had so much fun, and there so much love between them. They were proud of themselves and of the Other, for making this happen, between them.
This feels good, and tasted like more, later on, at the play night in the temple. The above story truly happened. It is such a wonderful example of how we, in tantric BDSI, can play with dominance and surrender as an instrument to look at our intimate relations and the dynamics. Ofcourse the above played out in absolute consent between the two people involved and also me sharing this with you is in consent with them. Digging deep into what it actually means to be in Power, to take the lead, to show the way, or what it actually means to be in Surrender, to let go, truly, to let ourselves be led and fall into trust and love that we are, and will be kept, safe and how these topics play out in our day to day life makes this work so precious and important on our path to liberation and expansion.
I am curious what this stirs in you, does it trigger anything? If this stirs your curiosity and you would like to know more, have a look at the www.consensual.eu website.
